I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
