i just wanna soil my oats bro
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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