Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
