Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
