The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
