i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
