Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
