We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
