A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
