i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
