I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
