I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
