He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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