I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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