It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
