12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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