Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
