I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
