My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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