alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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