If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
