I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
