I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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