You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
