k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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