then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
