I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
