I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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