At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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