He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
