Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
