I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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