I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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