I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
