i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will be naked everywhere
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
