so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
