I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
