We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
