1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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