I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
