I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
