one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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