they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
