I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
