I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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