if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
