I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
