I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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