I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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