I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you traded sex for a burrito?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
