That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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