And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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