After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i out mim tonsoeep
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
