my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
