You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
