New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
