True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
