So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
